imperfect girl - perfect God

Shedd Aquarium

2012-01-28T12:26:00.000-08:00

Dawn, Emma, and I went to the Shedd Aquarium this morning! It was the first time for all of us and it was great!

I'm a big fan of the ocean and it’s inhabitants. (It’s possible that I’ve watched The Little Mermaid a few too many times.) Living in Northern California, I've been to the Monterey Bay Aquarium numerous times and have my favorite exhibits there. The Shedd Aquarium is really different! It has fish and water animals from all around the world and from different bodies of waters.

I didn’t bring my camera with me, but I did have my phone. So please excuse the blurriness of a few of them!

River Habitat

We decided that these were giant goldfish with an attitude.

The iguana was just hanging out on the rock looking over the entire habitat. What a life!

Starfish!

These fish were larger than they looked.

I really enjoyed all the little poisonous dart frogs!

Emma was excited about the fish.

Overall, the turtles were our favorite.

My big conclusion of the morning: I’m never going to the Amazon. NEVER! The monster fish, bugs as big as my hand, and mainly the gigantic snakes were HORRIFYING. First, why are these things in an aquarium anyways? And second, how did they get them in their habitat? Moving a giant anaconda seems like it would be the worst job ever. Seriously.

Yearbooks and Websites and Newspapers.

2012-01-27T19:16:00.000-08:00

OH MY!

I’m busy this semester. I'm doing lots of writing for things other than classes! And, ironically, I don’t feel like writing very much about it. But I did want to share because it's exciting!

Yearbook. I’m writing profile pieces, captions, and group and event descriptions for the last few deadlines of the yearbook.

Website. www.moodystandard.com Check it out! I post all of the Chi-Town event updates.

Newspaper. I’m no longer writing bunches of articles each issue, just some random ones here and there. I still love it though and want to be a journalist.

Last Semester Here!

2012-01-20T22:36:00.000-08:00

Annnddd I’m back in the swing of this “being a student” thing! I just finished my second week of the semester.

I’m happy to be back in Chicago. Kind of. The weather is a little sketch. The snow today was beautiful though!

The new girls are moved onto my floor and seem to be settling in nicely! A few days before classes started I got a really bad cold. And then classes started. And then I started working for the Moody yearbook. And then I got the stomach flu. And then I had lots of homework. And then... and then... and then... So here I am. Two weeks into the semester and I’m finally feeling on top of my schedule.

I know I’ve said numerous times that I wasn’t going to be one of those overly-emotional people who facebooks/tweets/blogs about every little last part of their time at school coming to a close. Quite frankly, those people bug me. BUT, I will say that I am finishing up my time here and I’m excited for the next piece of my adventure! I’ll write more about that later.

I don’t want to jump ahead too far though. So, for the next 4 months I’m focusing on loving the 39 girls on my floor, writing as much as I can, succeeding in my classes, and enjoying my last little bit of time in Chicago before graduating!

Woo-hoo! The end is in sight!

Out of these ashes, rise.

2012-01-19T20:05:00.000-08:00

I love this song by Shawn McDonald. Rise. Do you have a song that you can play on repeat for hours? Or what about a song that makes it on every playlist? Well, Rise is that song for me.

(chorus)
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise

Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

For you lovers of miserable weather...

2012-01-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

*ahem* Alicia & Jodi. It snowed today and I had to go outside to get to work so I took a few pictures for you both!

Christmas Break Phone Photo Blast.

2012-01-03T22:28:00.000-08:00

I end up with some of the most random and wonderful photos on my phone. So I thought I'd be nice and share!

My phone is apparently giving me options. I just got more confused.

Vi attempting to feed herself with a straw.

My mom and the happy little girl!

Beautiful little girls in the back of my car.

First off, my phone calls me "Princess" because it keeps mispronouncing "Andrea". And it added Alicia as my best friend!

This was a nasty shelf so I took a picture.

Ginger!

I made the most delicious guacamole one afternoon.

Frozen Yogurt with Trina and Alicia.

Rehearsing "Winter Snow" for Christmas morning! There was, conveniently enough, a snowflake ornament lodged in the piano that worked with what we were singing.

Did you get two pillow pets for Christmas? I think not.

Here's to You!

2012-01-01T21:07:00.000-08:00

I realized at about 5pm on December 31st that I only had a few hours to finish reading through the Bible, to run a lot more miles, to call/send emails to a lot of people, to get better at not over scheduling my life, and to master the Bb-F-Dm-C chord progression on guitar.

So, to avoid inevitably failing, this year I decided not to make any resolutions. Life changes so quickly and I feel like I set myself up for failure when I make any massive plans. Regardless, I’m looking forward to this new year and the adventures to come!

There are songs to write, books to read, guitar strings to break in, photos to take, blogs to post, friends to laugh with, and new places to explore! I’m thankful to have another year to experience God’s grace and His perfect timing.

And I love this song by Brooke Fraser about enjoying life and it’s circumstances.

Here’s to You
by Brooke Fraser

Cheers to the furrows on our brow
To each hard-won victory
Cheers to the losses that grew us up
Killed our pride, and filled our cup

Cheers to the friendships well worn in
That time nor distance alter
Here's to the sleepers we'll see again
Find company in memoria

Open your mouth and sing out your song
Life is short as the day is long
I can't leave you my body
But I'll leave you a tune
This is my legacy
Cheers to you

Cheers to the passing of our youth
And the death of lust not one day
A toast to the lessons not yet learned
And to the trials that will teach them

Happy New Year!

2011 Review!

2011-12-31T10:53:00.000-08:00

January

I started 2011 in the hospital for a handful of inconclusive tests.
Back to Chicago for another semester at Moody!
Annie and I tried to make rice milk. It was gross. We’ll stick to buying it!
Fiction writing is not for me.
Founders week at Moody.

February

Massive Chicago blizzard.
I got kicked out of my first class ever. And I cried.
Blog Post: All I Need to Be.
I fell in love with Cary Grant.

March

All the bridal shower madness started.
Blog Post: Explosive Anger
My mom started teaching me to sew! I started and finished my first dress.
I stayed in CA for a few extra days over Spring break

April

I saw Tangled for the first time with Baylee and Jaxon!
Annie and I ate more french fries than countable.
Junior Senior Banquet.
The Royal Wedding!

May

Photographer for the Grad School Banquet
Blog Post: Elijah and I.
Finished another semester at Moody.
Back to California for the summer.
VBS Prep with Alicia - AKA How many times will we get kicked out of the church office for being too loud.
Blog Post: I Want.
I started my internship at Shepherd’s Gate!
Spent a lazy weekend with Robert.
Summer school.

June (AKA the medical disaster month)

More VBS prep in the office.
I got pneumonia.
Lots of time with baby Vi and Trina.
Blog Post: But is he qualified?
I tore a ligament in my foot.
I taught a VBS class of 25 1st graders!
Blog Post: But is he qualified?
Pinched nerve in my back = vicodin
Trip to Morro Bay with my family
Lots of worship team time.

July

I was the photographer at the Alameda 4th of July parade.
FIREWORKS!!! :)
Month of internship, working, and music.
Summer classes are done!

August

Spirit West Coast.
Led worship outside at Cedar Grove!
Santa Cruz beach trip with the high school youth group.
I sang and played guitar in Alicia’s brother’s wedding!
Back to Chicago for my senior year at Moody!
Blog Post: Striving, Stillness, Adventures, and Me.
Women’s Ministry training.
Church at New Life Lincoln Park.
Blog Post: “I’m Sorry.”
Aaron Shust concert.
Annnnndddd I’m single.

September

Back to CA for a long weekend.
Started working on www.moodystandard.com as the events coordinator!
I started a small group with my Smith 5 girls!
Blog Post: You’re Who?

October

My camera broke.
Missions Conference.
Blog Post: Not Guilty.
Back home to CA for a long weekend.
Lots of time with Danny & Kendra and their girls!
Back to Chicago for the remainder of the semester.
Campus safety and student engineers invaded our room to fix the heater in the middle of the night.
Internship interview is done!
Blog Post: I used to be...
I got my camera back!

November

Blog Post: Tangled Up.
I road the ferris wheel at Navy Pier for the first time!
Official Thanksgiving Day photographer!
Thanksgiving dinner with Dawn and Josh.
Day after Thanksgiving dinner with Laura.

December

23rd birthday!
Aimee’s assistant for the Grad School banquet.
Social Justice presentation.
Blog Post: Social Justice
Romans exegetical paper.
Isaiah project.
Adventures in the airport with Carley!
Epic shopping trip with Alicia.
Coffee with my godfather.
Christmas Eve service. AKA Band party on the stage!
Christmas Morning service.

Over all, it was a very up and down kind of a year and I'm glad I don't have to repeat it And, if nothing else, I've been reminded over and over again that God is undeniably good.

Penguins in Sweaters

2011-12-29T20:54:00.001-08:00

Is this not one of the cutest things ever? A little unconventional and impractical, after all, how many of us have cute pet penguins running around, but they’re still adorable!

Kanani - These made me think of you for some reason. :)
Kimela - I'm still holding out for my penguin!

Day to be Lazy.

2011-12-26T20:31:00.000-08:00

Today I...

Slept in.
Watched Tangled.
Read a few chapters in a book I started a few years ago.
Studied my Greek vocabulary.
Ate cereal.
Listened to music.
Finally changed out of my pjs to go shopping with my mom.
Tried on shoes with Alicia.
Went home and put my pjs back on.
Did a craft with crayons, canvas, a glue gun, tape, and a heat gun. (Cool, huh?!)

Pinned a bunch of pins on pinterest.
Ate dinner.
Played cards with Larissa.
Wrote a few notes and emails.

And now I’m eating apple pie, blogging, and watching another movie. And then I’m gonna go to bed. Early. Because tomorrow’s another busy day!

Today wasn’t productive, but a lazy day was much needed.

O Holy Night.

2011-12-24T22:07:00.000-08:00

Do you have a favorite Christmas song? I have a new one each year. This year my favorite is O Holy Night.

 Alicia and I have had many opportunities to sing together at Cedar Grove, but this time was one of my favorites. The Christmas Eve service ended up being like a giant party - the band quite literally had a party on the stage and it was great to see and hear the congregation joining in! :)

Before... Ready to rock!

We sang BarlowGirl's upbeat version of O Holy Night and enjoyed it thoroughly!

O Holy Night was composed by Adolphe Adam in 1847 to the French poem “Midnight, Christians” by Placide Cappeau. Cappeau, a simple wine merchant and a poet, was asked by a parish priest to write a Christian poem. Below is the literal English translation from the original French. Enjoy!

Midnight, Christians, it is the solemn hour,
When God-man descended to us
To erase the stain of original sin
And to end the wrath of His Father.
The entire world thrills with hope
On this night that gives it a Savior.

People kneel down, wait for your deliverance.
Christmas, Christmas, here is the Redeemer,
Christmas, Christmas, here is the Redeemer!

May the ardent light of our Faith
Guide us all to the cradle of the infant,
As in ancient times a brilliant star
Guided the Oriental kings there.
The King of Kings was born in a humble manger;
O mighty ones of today, proud of your greatness,

It is to your pride that God preaches.
Bow your heads before the Redeemer!
Bow your heads before the Redeemer!

The Redeemer has overcome every obstacle:
The Earth is free, and Heaven is open.
He sees a brother where there was only a slave,
Love unites those that iron had chained.
Who will tell Him of our gratitude,
For all of us He is born, He suffers and dies.

People stand up! Sing of your deliverance,
Christmas, Christmas, sing of the Redeemer,
Christmas, Christmas, sing of the Redeemer!

After... Partying with 300 people is tiring.

At the end of it all...

2011-12-19T23:27:00.000-08:00

I love going to church when I'm home. My church family is one of the most important and cherished groups of people in my life. I grew up with Pastor Keith and have heard who knows how many of his sermons. This past Sunday he talked about Jesus being the gift of peace.

I feel like God is 4 million miles away right now. Pastor Keith's sermon touched on experiencing God's peace through times of challenge.

"God, when we get all the way through this trial, I want to look back and see that You're good."

When I reach the end of this bumpy road, I want to be able to look back and see God's hand in it all - to see that He was good all along.

At the end of it all...I want to be in Your arms.

This semester I...

2011-12-16T18:59:00.000-08:00

I’m just gonna make a list because this semester was...well, special in it’s own way.

Women’s ministry training
Lived with the best roommate ever!
Put my feet in Lake Michigan
Craved random yet very specific food
Loved and served the girls on my floor
Watched 17 Again a few too many times
Roommate bonding
Alicia and I had a Christmas-Eve countdown
Apologetics, Romans, Public Relations, Senior Wellness Seminar, Isaiah
Staff writer for the newspaper
Aaron Shust concert
Fireworks over Navy Pier on numerous occasions
Robert and I broke up
Metallica
Lots of women’s ministry events
Bible study with my Smith 5 girls
Crafts
Fell in love with McDonald’s oatmeal
Discovered pinterest
Worked on Grad School Applications
moodystandard.com
Broken (and fixed) Camera
Ministry Team
Cheez-it addiction
Went on the ferris wheel on Navy Pier
Relied on friends more than ever before
Gave up some dreams
Enjoyed going to church in Chicago
Built a fort above my bed that lasted for a few months
Survived counseling
Laptop crashed
Photographer at the Thanksgiving day parade
Didn’t chop my hair off though I thought about it weekly
Had more run-ins with campus safety than necessary
Confronted more people about dress code and quiet hours
Drank a lot of coffee
Failed a final
Went home more times this semester than I did last year
Just generally, speaking tried not to make any big decisions

And now I’m home! Home, home, HOME!

Smith 5 Craft Night!

2011-12-08T19:06:00.000-08:00

Tonight we poured paint into glass ornaments! Simple and beautiful!

Always Winter.

2011-12-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

"It's always winter, but never Christmas." -C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Today was forever long and it may never end. I'm ready for Christmas.

Light up the sky.

2011-12-06T16:45:00.000-08:00

Light up the sky...

...to show me You are with me.

Social Justice.

2011-12-05T23:10:00.000-08:00

When asked the questions, “what do you want to do when you graduate from Moody?” my reply is usually not a serious one. “Oh, you know, be a secret agent in the CIA with my cover as a rockstar.” “Oh”, is usually the quaint and slightly confused response I get. There’s some truth to that; it’s what I want to do! Guns and guitars - does it get much better than that? I don’t think so!

Here’s the reality though... I’m a 23 year old girl studying Bible, Communications, and Urban Ministry in downtown Chicago. I love writing, people, photography, and music.

My desire is to be a voice, not an echo. While I want to work within the media, I don’t want to reiterate the lies that they pour into people. I want to accurately communicate the truth, God’s truth, to people. I don’t have to write or work for a Christian organization, but those values and my deep rooted desire for truth will be present.

In my Apologetics class this morning, I did my final presentation on social justice. There were lots of differing opinions and comments throughout the presentation and discussion with the class. Social justice is hard to define as it means different things to everyone. But, something that the class did agree on was that, as Christ’s followers, our help to the needy is to be done out of love and sincerity.

Generally speaking, I do know what I want to do with my life. I want to use my talents to honor God and to love other people. To be a little more specific, I want to love the marginalized and forgotten people in the world. If you haven’t noticed, inequality did not end in the era of Martin Luther King Jr. It’s still here.

I’m pursuing a Masters in Journalism with the dream of doing some sort of advocacy work. I want to seek justice for these forgotten people by accurately and intentionally portraying their lives through journalism practices.

I love these two verse and want to live them out...

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9

He has showed you, O man what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

Way to be 23!!

2011-12-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

I don’t remember any birthdays from when I was little. But I do have pictures! And, oddly enough, I don’t actually remember many from junior high or high school either. Birthdays have never been a big deal for me.

My sister "helping" me blow out my candles.

Proof that I had birthday parties in elementary school!

My 19th birthday has been the most memorable so far! My parents invited my godparents (Bill and Nancy) and Danny, Kendra, and Trina over to celebrate with me.

I taught Danny how to play Jingle Bells on the piano.

Trina dancing to the music!

Bill and Nancy

I had rehearsal for A Christmas Carol with 60 other people from church on the evening of my birthday. Everyone sang to me and my mom made chocolate chip cookies.

And, this is my favorite part, through a series of random events, Carley and I became inseparable friends that evening!

Birthdays away at school haven’t been too exciting. December 3rd falls right before finals so I usually end up studying, working on group projects, writing papers...end of the semester stuff.

I do, however, enjoy spending time with my friends here! And my BroSis did get me an awesome Princess birthday card! :)

10 Senses of Writing

2011-12-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

I just finished up a paper on the highlights of Writing to Deadline, by Donald M. Murray. The section on titled “10 Senses of Writing” jumped out at me. I love reading a book and getting upset at the end of it because I feel like I’ve lost a friend. It means that the writing draws me in and keeps me captive for the entire story. C.S. Lewis did this for me in the Chronicles of Narnia and Francine Rivers did this for me in Redeeming Love.

Using the senses of writing gives the piece being written a tangible feel. The reader can connect with the story being told and is drawn in with the relatable descriptions. Including descriptions also gives a context to the writing.

Sight - What is being done? How is it being done? Sight relates the setting, facial expressions, location, and anything else that can be seen. It also answers not just “what” but “why” and “how” as well.

Hearing - Listening to how someone speaks gives insight into their personality. It’s also beneficial to listen to the surrounding sounds - dogs barking, cars honking, food sizzling...

Touch - This particular sense is rarely used by reporters. But, when used correctly, the descriptions add to the readers understanding and familiarity with the surroundings.

Smell - This is another sense rarely reported and, it too, helps the readers feel as though they are in the setting that the story takes place in.

Taste - Like touch and smell, an accurate and appealing description of the taste can place a reader in the setting.

Change - Readers should be aware of change. It’s a reporters job to catch the hints of coming change and to report the elements of change that took place before the story they’re reporting.

Effect - What does a situation do to or for the reader? How does this story change the readers life?

Conflict - Much like reporting change, it is the reporters job to cover collisions before they happen, while they’re happening, and the ramifications and clean up part afterwards.

Context - Including the context in the piece being written gives it credibility and makes it understandable. Facts, quotes, profiles, events need to be portrayed in the correct context to make the writing credible.

Self - When reporting, being objective is essential. Don’t make up truths even when it fits with what’s being written. It’s important to write from a personal standpoint, but not a biased one.

Bring your story to life. Happy writing!

100 Things I'm Thankful For (51-60)

2011-12-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

I didn't finish my list in November like I was trying to do...

51. Email. It’s the main way I communicate with friends around the world.
52. Laughter. There’s little better in the world than laughing so hard you cry.
53. Public Transportation. My appreciation for the CTA is growing as my ability to navigate it increases.
54. Trials. Not the funnest thing, but oh-so-worth-it.
55. Running. I love running, but my knee doesn’t. It’s my favorite time to think through things.
56. Hugs. I’m not a touchy person, but occasionally when I’m really tired or grumpy a hug makes everything significantly better.
57. Colors. I love black and white photos, but looking outside and seeing a glimpse of the bright blue sky this morning made me happy!
58. Lists. I’ve been making lists for everything lately, but have been able to keep track of things.
59. Apples. Favorite food right now.
60. External Hard Drives. My laptop decided to crash on Sunday night a few weeks and I lost everything I worked on over the weekend. Thankfully I had everything backed up and only lost a few things.

Thanksgiving Day Parade Pictures!

2011-11-29T22:13:00.001-08:00

Waiting for the parade to start!

Turkey float!

Captain Jack Sparrow. Kinda.

This group was intense. I was nervous to walk in front of them to get a picture.

One of many marching bands.

Confession. I’m selfish. My favorite part of photographing the parade was flashing my press pass and walking in the middle of State Street without getting run over.

sounds good.

2011-11-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

Printed Newspapers

2011-11-22T22:35:00.000-08:00

Call me old fashioned, but I love newspapers. I love writing articles and seeing them printed. This morning was the final distribution day for The Moody Standard until next semester. I'm already looking forward to the interesting and new assignments that next semester will hold!

1oo Things I'm Thankful For (41-50)

2011-11-21T10:42:00.000-08:00

41. Productivity. It feels so great to cross things off of my ever lengthening to-do list.
42. Cookbooks. My appreciation for them is growing.
43. Kids. I love seeing the world through the eyes of a child.
44. Libraries. I occasionally get a lot done there!
45. A Younger Sister. Someone to pick on as well to love and protect.
46. Leggings. These come in handy under skirts on windy days.
47. Can Openers. What would we do without them?
48. Warm Bed. Favorite place in my room.
49. Joy. I’m thankful that I’m learning it’s a choice not an emotion.
50. Church. I’ve been enjoying church more this semester than I have in a long time.

Navy Pier

2011-11-13T20:45:00.000-08:00

On Friday night a group of us from Culby 16 and Smith 5 went to Navy Pier! It was cold and windy, but the ferris wheel ended up being free! We rode it like 5 times in a row. Fun stuff!

1oo Things I'm Thankful For (31-40)

2011-11-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

31. Accurate News Reports. I like the truth.
32. Crunchy Leaves. The ones that make the great noises when you step on them!
33. Sleep. There’s nothing like a fluffy pillow and a warm blanket after a long day.
34. Blogs. I thoroughly enjoy writing mine and enjoy all the blogs I read.
35. Cute Jackets. I have way too many lightweight jackets.
36. Dictionaries. I’m horrible at spelling and mix up words all the time.
37. Umbrellas. Things like umbrellas are simple but very necessary sometimes.
38. Handwriting. I love how unique everyone’s is.
39. Alarm Clocks. It’s a bittersweet thankfulness - I don’t like waking up to them, but I don’t like being late for things.
40. Sweatshirts. I’ve been living in my them all week!

Perfect and Plastic

2011-11-10T12:58:00.001-08:00

I interviewed the most lovely girl today! As a journalist, I’m used to one way conversations and being interested in the person’s life for the sake of the story. It’s not that I don’t have genuine care or concern for the person I’m interviewing, but it’s professional.

The girl I talked to today gave me a very accurate glimpse into my own life and put words to my experience growing up in a plastic and controlled Christian world. Here's an excerpt of our conversation...

In the perfect world I grew up in, the one I thought I could construct and I control, I had a false sense of happiness. I’ve gone through intense suffering and have memories that I still carry with me. But through the grace of God, I have joy from God that others don’t always understand. Many Christians understand what a sorrowful joy is though and it’s not one that comes without tears. The Lord does things too wonderful for me to know during these times of trials.

While I was young, I lived in a plastic self-contained world. This world was one that I thought I could control, but eventually realized I couldn’t as it was gradually falling apart. God wasn’t just a distant piece of information anymore, but a relational and relevant Savior. In this new world that I entered into, there were things I couldn’t manage.

There was great joy to be experienced that I could never experience in the plastic world I built up for myself. Joy was able to be found through the trials and suffering.

Fall Colors

2011-11-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

Not to betray my favorite season (summer), but fall is gorgeous! I love all the vibrant colors.

1oo Things I'm Thankful For (21-30)

2011-11-07T20:56:00.000-08:00

21. Quiet Moments. “Be STILL and know that I am God...” Psalm 46:10
22. Boots. They’re becoming my favorite type of shoe.
23. Chick-fil-a. I’m just really into chicken right now!
24. Fireworks. I think there should be fireworks for every holiday.
25. Patience. I don’t typically have an abundance of it, but I’m working on it.
26. Journals. So many blank pages to fill with thoughts, adventures, memories, emotions, desires, pain...
27. Change. It scares the crap out of me sometimes, but I’m learning that it’s not always a bad thing.
28. Accountability. I’m thankful for the 2 other girls in my small group and that they keep me accountable to my goals.
29. Yoga. Not the creepy spiritual yoga, but the stretching, quiet, and focusing one.
30. Allergy Free Foods. Foods without dairy and soy are a rare but precious find!

Ballerinas

2011-11-06T09:10:00.000-08:00

I’ve always wanted to be a ballerina. They’re beautiful, graceful, strong, controlled, and driven. And they get to twirl around in tutus. I was a swimmer. I was on swim team for about 8 years and loved it. The early morning practices, wearing the same team swimsuit as everyone else, the initial painful dive into the frigid water and that first breath of bitter air after emerging from the water... It doesn’t sound so attractive in a list like that, but it was a wonderful experience! I learned about dedication, being on a team, having a positive attitude, respecting leadership, losing graciously, and winning humbly.

I have a lovely little pile of trophies, ribbons, and paper plate awards. My favorite were the paper plate awards. Paper plate awards were given out by the coaches at the end of the season. They were ordinary paper plates with a phrase written on them. It was a way for the coaches to remember the funny things that had happened throughout the season.

My paper plate awards included... Tripping and falling into the pool with my blanket, refusing to get in the pool one morning before coloring with the coach (I was 6 at the time), slicing my foot open as I dove into the pool and then getting upset when I was told I was done with practice for a few days, refusing to eat the gummy worms* given to me as a reward for getting first place in a race (I was 7 at the time), and asking if the water was going to be wet (I was 5 at the time).

During my sophomore year in high school, I traded my swim cap and goggles for a guitar. Picking up a guitar opened a wonderful new world for me. But back to wanting to be a ballerina, it’s not that swimmers and musicians can’t be beautiful, strong, and graceful... It’s just different.

Or maybe I really just wanted the tutu.

*Worms are too much like snakes and I was (and still am) scared of snakes. Therefore, gummy worms are considered gross and creepy in my world.

Crafts at New Life Lincoln Park!

2011-11-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

Emma, Gaby, and I had lots of fun this afternoon doing creative and girly crafts with a handful of ladies from church!

1oo Things I'm Thankful For (11-20)

2011-11-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

11. New Guitar Strings. They hurt my fingers, but sound so bright and clear.
12. Clorox Wipes. My roommate and I are anti-germ.
13. Sunrises. “Morning by morning new mercies I see...Great is Thy faithfulness."
14. My Chiropractor. Dr. McCallister is one of my favorite people in the world!
15. Discernment. Knowing right from wrong and then having the wisdom to act upon it.
16. Books. I love reading the words of others.
17. Imagination. I don’t know where or who I’d be without it...
18. Water. Another one of those things I tend to take for granted, but it’s super important.
19. Maps. Not that I’m good at reading them, but they come in handy for some people!
20. Camera. I love capturing moments in time and turning them into treasurable memories.

Tangled Up

2011-11-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

I walked into my room this afternoon and exclaimed, “I’m freaking out over here!” as I threw myself on my roommates bed. I wish I could say that this was a onetime occurrence, but it’s not.

I know I’ve written a few other posts about anxiety, but that’s what I’m currently working through, so that’s what I’m thinking about and want to write about. I’ve been doing better overall, but still have moments of mass panic. Today was one of those moments of mass panic.

Story time with Andrea...

I played guitar and sang on the worship team almost every week this summer. I’ve been on a worship team since freshman year of high school. So being a part of a worship team and leading is nothing new for me. And it’s something that I love and find joy in!

My last Sunday at Cedar Grove this summer had the potential to be a fun one! Most of the new sound equipment was on the stage and being used. The sanctuary was painted and the carpeting was new, as well. We also switched from pews to chairs. Everything felt contemporary and exciting! I got to play electric guitar for three songs, acoustic for two of them, and a high hat for like 2 measures of another song. Plus I sang harmony. I was on my side of the stage with Rusty. All was totally normal in my world of worship team and being on the stage.

Except for the mass amount of panicking I was doing. And it was frustrating. I was so annoyed that I couldn’t figure out what was causing the anxiety that I’m sure it was causing more.

Do you have people in your life that can tell when something’s wrong without asking? Because I do. And these people drive me absolutely crazy! BUT, I also love and appreciate them more than I’ll probably ever be able to express to them.

Tom was in the back in the sound booth and walked up to the stage.

“Are you ok?” he asked.
“Yes.” He took a few steps away from the stage when I realized I’d totally lied to him.
“Tom. I’m really anxious.”
“I can tell,” (or something along those lines) was his response.

I don’t remember the short conversation that followed except that Tom was gentle, reassuring, and encouraging. It makes me laughing a little looking back on the scene because I’m really not good at hiding things when I’m overwhelmed, especially when I’m around people who know me.

A trip to Tom’s office was in order early that week (dun dun duuunnnnnn) before I headed back to Chicago. I got to the church and was glad to find Alicia and Robert there. There’s something comforting about having friends to creatively stall with! It literally took me 15 minutes to finally walk through the doorway into his office and I only went through the door because Alicia pushed me.

It’s obviously not Tom I dread - it’s knowing that I’m imperfect and have big hurdles to overcome. As I sat in the chair (NOT the couch) wrapped in the fuzzy purple blanket I store in his office, we talked through everything and he gave me some great advice. I’ve been giving a lot of advice in the past year. Some pieces have been more helpful than other pieces. But something that's stuck with me these past few months was the advice to cling to Jesus and to place Him over my anxiety. It’s a choice. I need to choose Jesus and run to Him instead of letting my anxiety take root and control my life.

There’s a scene near the end of the Disney Princess movie Tangled that I think gives an accurate picture of how we need to fight against these things we struggle with.

Here's the link to it... (It won't let me embed it. Sorry!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrkOKMomIFw

“No. I won’t stop for every minute for the rest of my life. I will fight. I will never stop trying to get away from you.”

Intentional. Persistent. With all the strength and determination that we have. That's how combating anxiety (or any struggle) must be.

I lost the fight against my anxiety today, but I won’t lose this battle. Tomorrow’s a new day with more choices to make and more chances to succeed.

Social Media Invasion!

2011-11-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

Here's a video Mrs. Janosz shared in my Public Relations class today. I thought the statistics were interesting and a little unnerving at the same time. Enjoy!

1oo Things I'm Thankful For (1-10)

2011-11-01T23:07:00.000-07:00

It’s November and Thanksgiving will quickly be here.

During the Women’s Ministry meeting this evening, I was reminded that I have countless things to be thankful for. So throughout November I’ll be writing about things I’m thankful for. Some big and some little.

1. Acoustic Albums. Who doesn’t love a good acoustic set? I’m currently a huge fan of JJ Heller and Brooke Fraser.
2. Long Walks. I love walking through Chicago on warm evenings. The skyline is beautiful!
3. Photoshop. I learn something new each time I use it!
4. Tomatoes. Specifically cherry tomatoes.
5. Waterproof Mascara. Necessary for rainstorms, running through sprinklers, and rough days.
6. Sunshine. Even when it’s cooler outside, blue sky and sunshine will undoubtedly make me happy.
7. Texting. Maybe I’m just lazy, but I really enjoy how convenient texting is.
8. Organization. I’m all for sticky notes, file folders, lists, binders, and labels.
9. Opinions. I love hearing the opinions of others more than expressing my own...
10. Teachers.

The handful of “teachers” that came to mind were Danny, Bobby, Tom, Rusty, Craigen, Nate, and Eric. However, Bobby and Craigen are the only professors I’ve had an actual class with, well numerous classes. I think I’m at 9?

Danny’s like an annoying older brother that I didn’t grow up with. He’s full of wisdom, is good at giving advice without being condescending, and I can’t remember a time that I’ve spent with him that I haven’t laughed!

The Bible classes I took with Bobby taught me to value God’s Word and to be excited and intentional about studying it, even the tedious genealogies and other seemingly boring parts. And he’s just a super awesome professor with two wonderful kids!

While I’m not a big fan of the couch in Tom’s office, I’m always grateful for his understanding and encouragement with my “in-process” life. And Alicia and I just really enjoy making fun of him (all in love, of course). After all, isn't that what youth pastors are for?! :)

Having Rusty in my life is like having a cool and compassionate rockstar dad. He’s taught me some sweet things on guitar and has also been an example of how to humbly serve God through music while on stage.

Through my Urban Ministry classes with Craigen, I gained a different and more accurate perspective of the world. I’ve realized that it’s not all about me and have cultivated a desire to love and serve forgotten people.

Nate is genuine and discerning and I value his honesty and openness. He also killed a spider on the stage one evening for me at rehearsal, thus making him a lifelong hero!

Eric is another wise person in my life. I think him and his wife, Jodi, must be undercover rockstars. Over the past 5 years I’ve had the privilege of learning a lot about music and seeing firsthand that coffee is an essential part of ministry from him. Not to mention the random conversations that happened frequently this past summer and the practicality of the advice he gave.

So there you have it! I'm really thankful for the teachers in my life.

Scarves.

2011-10-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

Who knew a simple scarf could be so amazing?

Scarves are great. That is all.

I used to be...

2011-10-19T11:49:00.001-07:00

A creative and curious dreamer.

Someone who was unafraid to experience new things or take an unfamiliar path.

Someone who wanted a daring and even possibly scary adventure.

A slightly mischievous student who would go out of her way to find answers.

I lost that piece of me a few years ago and I want it back.

Sweet Sister Time.

2011-10-17T00:44:00.001-07:00

We're both supposed to be working on homework. But we're obviously not.

Not Guilty

2011-10-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

I was not called to be an overseas missionary.

I just wasn’t.

I've yet to make it through a Missions Conference at Moody without feeling even some varying degree of guilt.

Today was a little different though. I still had that "everyone's standing except me" guilty feeling during George Verwer's closing prayer, but I believe that the future I'm pursuing is what I'm supposed to be doing.

And I may not be called to be a missionary, but guess what...

I’m not called to be a teacher.
I’m not called to be a firefighter.
I’m not called to be an acrobat.
I’m not called to be a zookeeper.
I’m not called to be a farmer.
I’m not called to be a politician.
I’m not called to be a chemist.
I’m not called to be a surgeon.
I’m not called to be a mechanic.
I’m not called to be a lawyer.

There are a lot of things that I simply wasn't called to do. We all have things that we weren't called to do.

However, as followers of Christ, we're called to be His witnesses.

So I will be His witness. Wherever I am. Whatever I’m doing. And I will happily and joyfully love and connect with people through the things I’m passionate about.

I’ve been asking God to teach me to be compassionate and to show me what breaks His heart. And He is. Through what I love: writing.

Have you seen the news? It’s depressing. That’s not to say there aren’t good things going on around the world, but the focus in the news is a negative one.

I’ve written articles on heartbreaking topics this semester... famine in Somalia, unrest in Libya, combat zones in the Middle East. And now drug trafficking and violence in Mexico. These are all things I had heard a little about, but after reading countless articles and interviewing students and faculty who have a personal connection with these worldwide events, it's more real. Reporting devastating news isn't something to take lightly.

Neil Cole, one of the speakers at Missions Conference said, "The reason God is sending us to the wolves is because that's where the lost sheep are." God sends us among the wolves, into a dark place, to bring His light.

I personally think the news is a dark place. So that's where I'm headed. That's not to say that my plans won't change (or get changed for me - that happens often), but for now I'm pressing on and making journalism my mission field.

Verdict? Not guilty.

craving.

2011-10-11T14:54:00.000-07:00

Aside from in-n-out, traveling is the thing I crave the most.

(Niamey, Niger West Africa - Summer 2008)

Freedom. New. Adventure. Life.

Even without my camera.

2011-10-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday I was reminded that my identity is not found in my social security number, my fingerprints, or my DNA. (You’re Who?)

I’m also learning that my identity is not found in the things I love.

I broke my camera on Saturday. Well, I didn’t personally break it. It was an accident. While taking it out of my bag it slipped and hit the bed frame and the button you push to take the picture broke off. So I’m temporarily with out my camera. :-/

I love this song by JJ Heller. It’s pretty much a list of things that are in a person’s life and while they seem defining, are really not.

True Things by JJ Heller

I’m not the clothes I’m wearing
I’m not a photograph
I’m not the car I drive

I’m not the money I make
I’m not the things I lack
I’m not the songs that I write

I am who I am
I am who I am

(chorus)
There are true things inside of me
I have been afraid to see
I believe, help my unbelief
Would you say again what you said to me
I am love and I am free
I believe, help my unbelief

I’m not the house I live in
I’m not the man I love
I’m not the mistakes that I carry

I’m not the food that I don’t eat
I’m not what I’m above
I’m not my scars and my history

(bridge)
To Your love I’m waking up
In Your love I’m waking up

There’s not line in this song that I can’t relate to.

I’m not my guitar. I’m not what I write. I’m not my camera. I’m still a loved daughter of the King . And I’m pretty sure I’ll be ok. Even without my camera.

Wake me up...

2011-10-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

...when September ends.

September has officially ended and October is off to a...well, it’s started and it won’t be worse than September was.

I had to resort to my twitter feed to remember all the things this past month has thrown at me. September was long and not so wonderful, so personally, I’m glad it’s over.

September...
1. “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” -Abraham Lincoln
2. I don’t think eating in-n-out will make my world become un-ended, but it’s worth a try.
3. The sun is shining, the world is turning, it’s a brand new day.
4. “If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die sooner.”
5. Packing again.
6. The stars look beautiful in the early morning sky. God is good!
7. My royal proclamation for today: It’s nap time.
8. “Love as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will.” - C.S. Lewis
9. I need a chameleon and a frying pan. #Tangled
10. 17 Again is my go-to movie right now.
11. I feel very behind in everything and could easily work on stuff for a few more hours, but sleeping seems more important right now
12. I’d like to go to the ocean today.
13. I’m awake. Yuck. 3:40am is not my favorite time of day to be unable to fall back asleep. #insomnia
14. I just yawned my way through a presentation on sleep. Moral of the story: I need more sleep.
15. The high for Chicago today is 61. So I dressed for snow.
16. 100 days till Christmas!
17. “Don’t worry on it.”
18. I’m finally starting my Romans paper. I think this is gonna take forever...
19. I’m figuring this assignment out one googled question at a time.
20. “When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change, we’ll change.” [written on a slip of paper in my Bible]
21. Sometimes I get the impression that my immune system is working against me.
22. Taking a bus to go babysit and driver pulled over (not at a bus stop) and walked off the bus. Um, alright then.
23. Journalism and hermeneutics go together. They just do. #contextcounts
24. I’ve learned more about Macs, wordpress.com, and website making in the past 24 hours than in the rest of my life. #happy #overwhelmed
25. Raspberry diet coke has got to be one of the yummiest tasting things in my world right now.
26. And this manic Monday begins.
27. I’m losing my voice and I don’t like it.
28. What a strange day. Strange seems to be the new normal, though.
29. I don’t want to go to sleep, but I don’t want to stay awake. I clearly need a third option.
30. “What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” Love this song.

I must say, despite September’s rough patches, it ended on a high note. Singing “Nothing But the Blood” in chapel on Friday reminded me of where I was 4 years ago and just how far God has brought me. (Freedom that Friday).

He was faithful in the past and will continue to be faithful.

 God is good.

You're Who?

2011-09-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think my life would make an interesting movie.

Without going into endless amounts of detail, I’ll give you the short and sweet version of my latest adventure...

After much confusion and a few unhelpful phone calls, I headed downtown late this past Wednesday morning to the Federal Building. Someone other than me was using my social security number to gain access to someone else. (Crazy, huh?!) The attempt was unsuccessfully because it was caught fairly quickly, thanks to my daddy and some other awesome people! But, to clear this up, I had to prove that I was me. Which is harder than you’d think. I assumed showing my driver's license would be sufficient, but it most definitely was not.

Thankfully the office wasn’t too busy and my situation was given attention almost immediately. I was ushered to a back room and told to wait. It was at this point that I could feel the tension I’d been feeling all morning quickly turn to anxiety.

I answered what felt like an hour’s worth of questions before getting fingerprinted. And I barely avoided having my finger pricked for a blood test to see if my DNA matched up with a previous blood test done.

So after being told that I indeed was the real Andrea Rose Stimmel, daughter of David and Julie Stimmel, I was given a signed and stamped document as proof to give to the appropriate people.

I got back to campus with just enough time to change out of my wet clothes before going to finish up a few interviews for a newspaper article I was working on. I had a normal morning in my apologetics class, a few totally bizarre hours, and was then dumped back into my normal life.

I temporarily felt like I was in a movie.

Since midsummer, I’ve been working with Moody’s Women’s Ministry group and one of our reoccurring discussion topics has been being “anchored in Christ”. I've been reminded numerous times that my identity and security is found in Christ alone. He is my anchor.

If then, you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. -Colossians 3:1-4

My life is hidden in Christ. My identity is then in Christ.

My identity is clearly not found in my social security number, my finger prints, or the DNA in my blood. And I'm increasingly grateful that, although my identity on earth can be questioned, my identity in Christ is unshakeable.

Sisters and Starwars

2011-09-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

Larissa and I both ended up coming home from college this past Labor Day weekend.

On Saturday night I couldn’t fall asleep and decided maybe reading would help.

I was planning on curling up on the couch with my book so I dragged my favorite blanket, stuffed frog, and book out to the living room only to find my sister with an identical pile of stuff. However, her book had been cast aside for the TV remote.

She looked over and said, “couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah. Me either,” was my pathetic response.

So at 2 in the morning we were both curled up on the couch eating goldfish crackers while watching the Starwars marathon that had been on all day.

We talked sporadically through the movie and giggled about getting each other lightsabers for Christmas. I was excited for the cool family pictures that would most certainly aspire from the gifts! My sister, however, was more excited about kicking my butt while reenacting some of the battles from the movies. In my defense, Larissa’s a nerd and has most, if not all, of the Starwars movies memorized. And I honestly can’t say that I’ve even see all the movies. SO, her knowledge on the subject is far superior to mine and that’s the only reason why my little sister would be able to kick my butt at anything!

I digress... It was around 3:30am when I felt that I had met my Starwars viewing quota for the year and was ready to take another attempt at falling asleep.

I gathered my blanket, stuffed frog, and book and stood up.

My sister’s not the most sympathetic person in the world and we’re not the best of friends, but she knew I was hurting.

“Sis,” she said.

I turned around and smiled at her.

“Ya?”

“I’m sorry.”

I dropped my pile of stuff and gave her a hug before heading back to bed.

Sisterly bonding at it’s best!

Satisfy Me.

2011-09-24T20:43:00.000-07:00

morning...

To keep from suffocating and to counteract the overactive heater turning my room into an oven, I opened a window early this morning to let some cool Chicago air in. The sky is full of puffy gray clouds and the rain is gently falling (although this could change at any moment to a torrential downpour). The usual Saturday traffic is racing by 5 floors below me on LaSalle Boulevard.

I’m staring at my laptop and my slightly cluttered desk. My guitar is comfortably leaning against the dresser just inches out of my reach taunting me with it’s shiny new strings and the promise of reestablishing the rapidly decreasing calluses on my fingers. The clouds are consuming the sky at the moment, but it’s not dark or gloomy outside.

The refreshing chilly breeze is continually blowing my bangs into my eyes. But I don’t mind this morning. I’m grateful for the fresh air and the life it seems to bring into my room.

The light traffic and falling rain rhythmically blending in with the Tenth Avenue North playlist on iTunes creates the perfect soundtrack for my morning.

My coffee is slowly brewing in the purple French Press I just had to have this summer. The familiar smell permeates the air as the wind blows through.

While waiting for my coffee, I’m happily munching away on my gluten, dairy, and soy free apple pie Lara Bar.

Usually a rainy morning of being stuck working would be classified as miserable. But not this particular morning. I’m feeling gracious, weather-wise at least, and am accepting, even enjoying, how new and beautiful today is.

The sporadic rain and shifting clouds allowing the dazzling blue sky to make it’s appearance truly is magnificent! I see God’s hand in all of it.

For the moment, I’m content where I am. My room is peaceful and safe and, although it’s a little messy and I have lots to accomplish, I’m unusually calm and genuinely happy to be exactly where I am. Both emotionally and physically.

It’s one of those mornings where I have no problem believing that God is good.

afternoon...

“BroSis event” isn’t the phrase that comes to mind when I think about things that make me happy. But, hanging out with the girls on my floor is important to me. And I guess getting to know the guys on my brother floor is a good thing, too. And I can’t complain about taking a break from homework!

This afternoon a group of us took the Water Taxi to China Town. It was fun, a little chilly, semi-adventurous, and full of laughter.

And I have no desire to elaborate on this event at the moment. But I’ll post pictures soon. :)

evening...

This evening finds me in the same physical place this morning did - back in my room working on newspaper stuff and homework. Mentally, however, I’m surviving this evening millions of miles away. I’m distracted by the dream of going to back to Africa this summer, of California sunsets at the coast, of Outer Space, of anywhere but where I am.

I can’t get away from a few memories and the negative thoughts and emotions that follow. These memories that so easily sneak into my mind and inundate my thoughts are underhandedly destroying all attempts at concentration right now. I’m beyond a little annoyed and am frustrated and feel pestered by them without a just cause.

Life is changing. My state of “normal” has dramatically changed in the past month and my brain is scrambling to update to this forced new version.

And through it all, I’m fighting my urge to doubt God’s goodness. The God that seemed so wonderful to me this morning hasn’t changed in the past 12 hours. Thankfully.

I’m begging You, to help me see, You’re all I want, You’re all I need, oh satisfy me Lord. -Satisfied by Tenth Avenue North

Three girls in search of the Holy Spirit

2011-09-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

I’m in a small group for this school year with two other girls. A month ago, these two girls were complete strangers to me, but now the three of us are on an adventure, of sorts.

Our quest began this morning with:

Caffeinated tea
New journals
Pens
Prayer
Bibles
Friendship
Curiosity
Lots of questions
The desire to learn
Anticipation of what the Spirit can do
Longing hearts
Forgotten God by Francis Chan

If you didn’t figure it out from reading the title of this post, we’re on a search for the Holy Spirit. We all believe that the Holy Spirit is with us, but desire both a greater awareness of him* in our lives and a greater knowledge of him in general.

Francis Chan wrote, “He is infinite and we are finite; there will always be more of His character to discover, more of His love to experience, and more of His power to use for His purposes,” (pg. 21).

I'm ready and excited to see what the Holy Spirit will do through this small group.

*I took Greek and know that the noun is neither male nor female but feel strange writing “it” when referring to the Holy Spirit. But thanks to the little Bible student (punk) that pointed that out to me. :)

πνεῦμα

Declension - Third Declension

Number - Single

Gender - Neuter

Case - Nominative

Translated - Spirit

Roommates :)

2011-09-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when you put two senior surfer girls from California in the same small room on the 5th floor of a building. Silly and unexplainable things happen. Random TV shows are watched an analyzed. Lots of chocolate and iced tea are consumed. And a jar of pickles? Well, I’ll personally take responsibility for that one. Many quotable things are said. The dress code occasionally gets broken. And we basically just have a lot of fun. :)

~Tacky Prom~

Think Happy Thoughts - Part 5

2011-09-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

21. Free Southwest Tickets. I like Southwest. I had a free ticket to use in the next few months, so I took advantage of the long Labor Day weekend and flew home. Sometimes I think Southwest needs better snacks, but overall, I like them a lot.

22. Smiling little girls. Thanks to my free Southwest ticket, I got to spend lots of last weekend with this smiling little girl! Although most of my time at their house was spent curled up on the couch or running errands with Kendra, Miss Trina took every opportunity given to her to make me smile! Love her! :)

23. Beautiful Things by Gungor. Because of a comment made to me a little over a week ago, I've had the line from P!nk's song "so what, I'm still a rockstar" stuck in my head. Heidi and I decided to check out the music video for the song. And then Annie and I watched it because Heidi and I laughed hysterically through it. Then when Laura stopped by, she had to endure it as well. But after listening to the song a few too many times, I sent out a tweet requesting some new songs to embed in my head. One of the guys from my old brother floor sent me the link to the video below. It's a wonderfully simple but meaningful song. Enjoy!

24. Sandwich Apprentice. Today Liz and I decided we wanted good food in the SDR at lunch. So we made "fancy" sandwiches. Well, Liz did and I did my best to copy her! She gave me the title of "Sandwich Apprentice".

25. Flowers in the plaza. Annie and I met in the plaza earlier this week and she was sitting next to a plant with large eye-catching flowers on it. We looked closer at one of the flowers and there was a little beetle eating a hole through one of the petals.

Matthew 6:28-30; 34

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Help me to sing 'hallelujah'.

2011-09-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today, my Facebook status was:

“...You give and take away. My heart will choose to say ‘Lord blessed be Your Name’.”

It’s easy to sing Matt Redman’s song Blessed be Your Name with good intentions, but when things are actually taken away, it’s a little harder. Ok. A lot harder.

Dr. Hart was the speaker in chapel this morning. His lecture was titled: When God Shuts the Door - Dreams and Desires.

His main points were that:

When God shuts the door...

...He may have other prayers in mind.

...He may have other people in mind.

...He may have other plans in mind.

His conclusion was to:

Trust God in His wise and loving concern. His plan is good.

My heart’s not quite choosing to say, “Lord, blessed be Your Name” at the moment. But another song did come to mind. Bethany Dillon wrote “Hallelujah” a few years ago and the chorus of her song resonates with me.

“Hallelujah, hallelujah, whatever’s in front of me, help me to sing ‘hallelujah’.”

God, help me to sing "hallelujah".

And I Quit.

2011-09-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

2 weeks down and 14 to go in this semester.

And I quit.

Well, I temporarily quit.

Starting Tuesday afternoon I’ll begin again. But for this weekend, I gave up and came home. Because there's no place like home when life seems to fall apart.

Without going into detail...

Everything seemed to be on the brink of falling apart for the past month and earlier this week it did. Not literally everything, but enough stuff to shake up my world for a little while.

My brain is refusing to process things at the moment. But thankfully I have a few good friends spending time with me while I’m here in Cali for the weekend to help with that. And when I’m in Chicago, I have a few lovely girls and a few professors that tend to be good at helping me make sense of things.

So that's my not-super-detailed story. BUT, if you think about it, a little extra encouragement and patience would be much appreciated.

Photo Booth

2011-08-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across old photo booth pictures!

"I'm Sorry."

2011-08-23T11:17:00.001-07:00

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

That line comes from the 1970s movie Love Story.

And the line is false. Oh. So. False.

It sounds deceivingly great though. And the statement would be true if we were all perfect all the time. But, regardless of how hard I try, I’m not perfect. I often do and say things that hurt others. Sometimes intentionally and sometimes entirely unaware.

I learned from a young age that I needed to say “sorry” when I’ve done something wrong. But it’s been in the past 5 years that I’ve had a greater understanding of what that means. And the freedom it has the potential to bring.

When I was younger, generally speaking, the things I had to apologize for didn’t change the relationships I was in. My parents occasionally made new rules, but they were still my parents. They loved me the same. I wish all relationships could be like that... that the consequences weren’t so... messy.

Being sorry is great and all, but it’s not quite enough. There need to be words and actions that make the situation right again. “It’s the thought that counts” doesn't cut it.

When I’ve hurt the people I’m close to, I desire to make it right. I don’t like the distant feeling or the guilt I feel when the relationship isn’t right and it's my fault.

I know that perfect love kills all fear and that God’s love is perfect. And because of that, I don’t have to fear God’s love.

So, all that said, I’m learning to say “I’m sorry” and to love without fear.

53rd Air and Water Show

2011-08-21T20:11:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, Smith 5 and Culby 16 went to the beach to watch the Blue Angels perform over Lake Michigan!

Heidi and I - Roommates!

Andrea, Liz, Geo, Heidi

Striving, Stillness, Adventures, and Me

2011-08-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

Striving. Always striving for something more. Something bigger, something better, something more exciting, something more relaxing. Just something...more.

Striving. When I need to be still.

God works through stillness. I know that. It’s not wasted time but a time of desperately needed rest and crucial preparation. I know that. But knowing and doing are not one in the same. I need to rest when my first inclination is to keep running.

Adventure. Some were meant to go on big and glamorous adventures, while others were meant to thrive in a more average life. And some know there is an adventure waiting to be discovered, but have yet to unearth it. Or maybe the adventure has been presented but the participant is actively denying himself the richness of it’s beauty and lessons. At first glance, it’s appeal is unattractive, the terrain is rough, and the trail is lonely, but around the next curve could be what was meant to be discovered and cherished. Others dive in headfirst before confirming it is indeed the most beneficial course to pursue. The neglected time of reflection and planning permanently alters the path. For better or for worse? We’ll never know. And others are too fearful to take the first step and stand gazing at the sea, always curious and always wondering, yet remaining paralyzed in their doubts.

I want to know what my life will hold. I want a big glamourous adventure. I want to move forward joyfully and confidently to glean all I can from this next step I’m waiting to take. BUT...

Me? I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. I’m taking time to be still. I’m not letting fear dictate my life. I’m choosing to cling to my Savior rather than my shifty emotions. I’m waiting, even patiently at times, for the One I’m following to lead my next step in this adventure called life.

Because when He leads, I will follow.

I am not afraid. This is my adventure. I was born to do this.

This is not Eden

2011-08-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge and have loved it so far! I've been reading it slowly in order to let it sink in. I just finished reading chapter four, titled "Wounded". The quote below stuck out to me...

You cannot be alive very long without being wounded. The sun rises, the stars follow their courses, the waves roll in crashing against the rocks, and we are wounded. Broken hearts cannot be avoided in this beautiful yet dangerous world we live in. This is not Eden. Not even close. We are not living in the world our souls were made for. Something's rotten in the state of Denmark and in our own backyards as we journey through the unknown terrain of the moments and months that make up our lives.

That's What the Promise is For.

2011-08-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

Alicia and I sang Andrew Peterson's Dancing in the Minefields at Jon and Michelle's wedding this afternoon. The wedding was beautiful, and, as always, singing with Alicia was wonderful!

And I learned that I can successfully play guitar and sing in a strapless dress and high heels! :)

Dancing in the Minefields

by Andrew Peterson

(Verse 1)

I was nineteen, you were twenty-one

The year we got engaged

Everyone said we were much too young

But we did it anyway

We bought our rings for forty each

From a pawn shop down the road

We made our vows and took the leap

Now fifteen years ago

(Chorus)

We went dancing in the minefields

We went sailing in the storm

And it was harder than we dreamed

But I believe that's what the promise is for

(Verse 2)

"I do" are the two most famous words

The beginning of the end

But to lose your life for another I've heard

Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life

Is to lay your own life down

And I believe it's an easy price

For the life that we have found

(Bridge)

So when I lose my way, find me

When I loose love's chains, bind me

At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days

When I forget my name, remind me

(Verse 3)

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man

So there's nothing left to fear

So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands

Till the shadows disappear

'Cause he promised not to leave us

And his promises are true

So in the face of all this chaos, baby,I can dance with you

Princess? Always. World Dictator? No.

2011-08-13T19:21:00.000-07:00

As I was driving home from church one evening earlier this week, a thought just kind of hit me. It was a thought that had been forming for the previous week. It was a thought that I had half-heartedly shared with Robert and Alicia. It was a good and happy thought. It was encouraging and enlightening. It was different, a little scary, and wonderful all blended into one.

So I guess now would be the time to let you in on my thought...

I’m not in control. And I’m totally fine.

Can we just let that sink in for a few moments? (Or hours depending on how well you know me.)

I’m not in control of the world and I’m okay with that. It’s been in the past few weeks that I’ve actually been able to let go of that need to be in control. Up until this point, I've tried so hard to but couldn't. I was fighting to not be in control, which put me in control of not being in control. And I don’t think there was a specific moment when I let go. It just happened without me really noticing.

The battle of control has been something I’ve struggled with for, well, I’m assuming most of my life. But it had been especially present the past 3 years. The anxiety that came with trying to control the world has also diminished.

It’s a very freeing feeling. I feel like I’ve reached a goal that’s been dangling before me for quite some time.

It’s a thought that needs a little more processing, so I’m sure I’ll write more about this eventually. I just had to share a little now. :)

Think Happy Thoughts - Part 4

2011-08-10T00:57:00.001-07:00

16. My Worship Team. Over the past four years I've had the beautiful opportunity to lead worship and to grow close to a talented and passionate group of musicians. And, don't tell the rest of the band, but Rusty just happens to be my favorite. :)

17. Guitars. I have two of them. One Takamine and one Ibanez.

18. Time. I was recently told that my love language was quality time. Hmmm...I don't believe it to be true all the time. But I do know that I've been craving time with people this summer. Last Sunday evening Robert spent time with Viola and I. He brought me dinner and fed Vi so I could eat. She eventually went back to sleep and Robert and I spent some much needed time together.

19. Photography. I'll post more about this photography project later. It was very sparkly, creative, and just girly. And I enjoyed it thoroughly!

20. Books. So many books to read, and a lifetime to do so. I like books. A lot. I like the way they look on my bookshelf. And the way they look while they're in a pile on the floor.

Being Still.

2011-08-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

“I just want to be still this morning. I don’t want to be on a stage with microphones, instruments, and people watching.”

That was my Sunday morning pre-worship leading tweet.

I wonder if individuals from Hillsong United ever feel that way. It was a new and a very conflicted feeling for me. I love leading worship, but yesterday I just wanted it to be God and me. Without the stage, without the lights, and without the sound system. But mainly without the congregation. Just God and me.

I wanted stillness. I wanted to get through the brokenness I was feeling alone without a curious audience. I wanted the healing to come quietly and gently in solitude.

But it didn't. It started from leading a large and familiar group of people in worship. I wanted stillness and solitude. And that's what I got. Not how I thought I needed it, but in exactly how it needed to happen. I was where God wanted me to be. And I was eventually open to His tender healing through the words in the music, prayer, and Scripture in the service.

The sermon yesterday morning was from Psalm 46.

Psalm 46:1-11

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

I don’t remember much of the sermon other than the phrase “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Be still. Know that I am God.

Be still.

Remembering. Sorting. Tossing.

2011-07-27T15:47:00.000-07:00

Remembering. Sorting. Tossing. That’s what I’m doing today. Today is my “go through my room” day. Not that it’s messy or needs to be cleaned, but I’m ready to sort through everything and get rid of the things I don’t need or use.

Unneeded papers, clothes that don’t fit, and lots of random...stuff. I don’t know what else to call it. It’s just a lot of stuff. Stuff that I don’t want or need. I’m not even sure where all this stuff came from! But, after 22 years in the same room, stuff accumulates.

I’ve lived in the same house and in the same room for my entire life. 22.5 years in this pretty purple room!

When I was in Livermore over spring break, after being here for about a week, the “ah, I’m home” feeling still hadn’t hit me. And it never did. Summer break has been the same way. Still waiting to feel like I’m home.

This is not my home anymore. Yes, I occasionally live here with my parents, but it’s not “home”.

This is not my home anymore.

There’s no anger, bitterness, or resentment within that statement. Just maybe a little sorrow.

There are people I feel at home with. Some of the girls at Moody feel like “home” to me. When I’m with Robert I feel like I’m “home”. Being with Danny, Kendra, Trina, and Viola is “home”. Time with Alicia feels like “home”. Home is not necessarily a place for me right now, but more of a feeling.

It’s been made evident to me in the past few years that Chicago is not my home, either. I will never feel completely at home somewhere other than with God.

This world is not my home. Heaven is my home. God is my eternal home.

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. -C.S. Lewis

PS. If you visit my family sometime, you should ask to stay in my room because it’s WAY cooler than my sister's! It’s a Princess Rockstar kind of a room. I'll post a few pictures once I'm done sorting and it's back to it's normal state of organization... :)

You lead worship? Then this is for YOU!

2011-07-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

**disclaimer: This blog was inspired by Psych, a late night, lots of caffeine, and maybe a little frustration.

Have you ever practiced like this?

To have your congregation respond like this? (Just wait for the end of the clip.)

Because we have. A few different times.

You put in lots of time and effort to be torn apart. Blah...it's not fun.

Alicia and I have both taken classes on church music and conflict in church music so we’re writing this blog together! She's studying music at Azusa Pacific University and I'm studying Communications at Moody. We realize that we're just students with limited knowledge and experience, but we are studying and have had some experience. So here we go...

Though it would be nice, the Church is not exempt from the conflicts that come up in the world. And often a significant amount of these problems and criticisms are directed at the music department for an array of reasons. The music is too loud. Too quiet. Too new. Too old. Too planned. Too spontaneous. Too...anything.

Our encouragement for you if you find yourself in the middle of this conflict is to... NOT GIVE UP!! Remember that’s it’s God you’re serving. Now, we’re not saying that if you go to a traditional church that you should bring in electric guitars and drums with the excuse that God will be pleased! Remember your setting and the people you’re facilitating in their worship experience. But also know that you can’t please everyone. It's just not possibly in any area of life. Especially areas where there are so many different personal opinions and beliefs.

We thought we would reminisce for a few moments about a few of our favorite times on stage together...

Alicia: Alicia’s memorable worship leading moment was back in high school. We finished out our senior year in the youth group under not so favorable conditions. Our last Sunday leading for the youth group we ended the set with Blessed Be Your Name. This was a favorite song of the youth group and was a "go to" song. The bridge “You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, ‘Lord blessed be Your name’” stuck out to us that time. We were standing just a few feet apart but we looked at each other and repeated the chorus and bridge. It was a great reminder that all the challenges that we’d been through and all the hard work we put in to be prepared to lead was for a worthy cause. It wasn't in vain.

Andrea: I wrote about singing BarlowGirl’s Psalm 73 and how it impacted me. God used each duet Alicia and I sang to teach me a lesson, to reveal something about Himself to me, or to put words to what I was going through. Although I haven’t always enjoyed the songs we’ve sung, there’s always been a line or a phrase that caught my attention and made me think.

Together: We communicate in a variety of ways. (That's what happens when you've been best friends for like...forever.) On stage when we can’t exactly interrupt everything to have a conversation, it’s mainly through our eyes and body language that our messages to each other are transmitted. We've grown closer to each other through being in a leadership position together. We've learned a lot about working with other people as well as with each other. And all the communicating that has to happen when two people are working together.

It’s been such a wonderful experience for the two of us to lead worship together! Although we’ve both been through times of trials involving church music stuff, we both say that it’s been worth it. We wouldn’t trade any of our experiences, as miserable as a few of them were, for anything. On the flip side, most of our favorite memories at church were created while doing music related things together.

Keep Dreaming, Sweetheart.

2011-07-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

I've had some outrageous dreams. I've wanted to be a train engineer. I've wanted to be a fashion designer. I've wanted to be a secret CIA agent. I've wanted to be a rockstar. I've wanted to be an astronaut. I've wanted to be a photographer. I've wanted to be a writer. I've wanted to be a news reporter. I've wanted to rule the word.

Funny, because all of these things are people or leadership oriented. I love people and I love being in charge. That’s just how it’s always been!

Before flying back to California for the summer, my mom and I took and afternoon and went to the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. The first exhibit we walked through was a space one so we were off to a good start!

My mom and I wandered around the exhibit for about an hour and looked at many different pictures, flight simulators, model space shuttles, and model missiles. As I gazed at the row of shuttles, an older man that had been admiring the exhibit stopped next to me.

This talkative older gentleman informed me that he worked hard to get into NASA’s astronaut program but was disqualified for a few minor things near the end of the course. He told me that he had devoted his entire life to this dream and was so close to reaching it! But he didn’t. He never got to fly into outer space.

He asked what I was studying and my answer surprised him.

“Bible and Communications won’t get you into anything NASA’s doing,” was his response.

“I know. My dreams have changed.”

“Keep dreaming, sweetheart,” was the quiet comment that followed.

It was a bittersweet comment.

I’ll keep dreaming of being an astronaut, but I’ll keep dreaming new dreams, too.

Sometimes reality just sucks.

Not everyone will walk on the moon. Most people won’t. Only a very limited group of men and women will.

My dream of being an astronaut wasn’t exactly a reasonable one. However, I’m still working towards my dream of being a journalist. It’s a more reasonable dream and one I’m willing to fight for and work hard to achieve.

We're Noisy. Get Over It.

2011-07-24T21:18:00.000-07:00

What do you get when a music major is best friends with a communications major? A lot of noise. No doubt.

Sunday morning at church this week was no exception. And neither was the week before...or the three weeks before that one, actually. If you thought we were loud without any help, just wait to see what happens when there are microphones, a piano, and a guitar in our hands. And any amount of caffeine. Watch out, world!

This morning was our last time on stage together until Christmas time. I know it's only 5 months away, but...well, it just seems like a long time.

Patience Required. Officially.

2011-07-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

Before I started dating Robert, I was told by a friend that my forgiveness had to be endless and that Robert’s patience had to be unrelenting.

We’re both easy-going and even-tempered people, so I thought it would be no problem whatsoever. I couldn’t require that much patience and Robert couldn’t require too much forgiveness. Right?

I wrong. Apparently I require patience. And a lot of it.

So this one time...

We drove to the San Francisco Airport to pick up two friends and drove their car. I let my anxiety win that evening. I panicked about being too early or late. I panicked about getting lost on the way. I panicked about...everything. And that all happened before the car battery died! We finally made it to the airport and I was so relieved that Danny was taking over the driving. Robert and I sat in the back while Danny drove and Kendra was in the passenger seat. I fell asleep on Robert’s shoulder before we got to the freeway and don’t remember any of the drive home. Apparently they all had a lovely conversation. Without me. But Robert was patient.

Last summer I spent many hours working on my photography portfolio. I retook a few pictures numerous times. And Robert looked over and critiqued the pictures who knows how many times as I was striving to make each one absolutely perfect. I couldn’t find perfection, but found frustration. But Robert was patient.

In December I got sick and almost had my appendix taken out. I couldn’t do a whole lot and was fairly helpless for a few weeks. In between trips to the hospital, I mainly just slept and watched movies. Robert was with me for a lot of that time. And I wasn’t too much fun to be around. I was in a lot of pain with any prescription painkiller to help. But Robert was patient.

I dragged Robert to the 4th of July Parade in Alameda (and now owe him a lifetime supply of lemon bars...ha ha) and we had a hectic morning/afternoon of driving around, taking pictures, babysitting, and chauffeuring the director of the parade. I had a blast! But my responsibility was for Trina and taking pictures. Robert had to keep track of all of us as well as not run over people in the golf cart. But Robert was patient.

And on a more regular basis...

There are numerous days when I can’t decide what to wear and I’m late for things or end up making him wait for me.

Although I can write out my thoughts and feelings quite easily, I can’t always find the courage or accurate words when speaking to describe what’s going on inside my head. We've often sat in silence as I'm frantically searching my brain for the right words.

Generally speaking, I’m not a cuddly person and there are days/moments when I just don’t want to be within 3 feet of anyone. Even Robert. (Physical touch is not my love language.)

And this only scratches the surface of how much patience he’s had with me...

All that said, my initial reaction to the first statement has evolved a little over time...we’re both easy-going (Robert so much more than me), but I do require patience. And a lot of it! Officially.

AND, we (eventually) went to Santa Cruz today! Here are a few pictures...

Alameda 4th of July Parade!

2011-07-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

I finally got through all the photos from the parade! Better late than never, right?

Double Birthday - Grandma and Dad!

2011-07-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

My Grandma. My grandma’s been the encouragement and compassion that I’ve often needed to keep moving forward. She’s been interested in my dreams and passions for as long as I can remember and has done everything she can to help me achieve my goals and to be apart of them with me.

My Dad. My dad and I have traveled around the world together. Well, he dragged me to Niger, Africa and in return I dragged him along to Nicaragua a few years later! My love for adventure and traveling came from him.

Endings and Beginnings.

2011-07-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

It’s the beginning of things ending. Which means new things eventually beginning.

Lots of changes.

Lots of hope.

Lots of smiles.

Lots of tears.

Lots of challenges.

Lots of choices.

Lots of reflection.

Lots of dreams.

Lots of opportunities.

Lots of possibilities.

I’m not anxious. I’m not afraid. I’m not alone.

Psalm 16
(written by David)

1 Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.

2 I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”
3 I say of the holy people who are in the land, “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”
4 Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more. I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips.

5 LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful[b] one see decay.
11 You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

A little creativity...

2011-07-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

...never hurt anyone!

Stationary Making

Flower Arranging

Pottery Painting

This is where I see You.

2011-07-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

God's existence is evident to me in the ocean.

Powerful. Uncontrollable. Fierce.

Did I just join the fraternity?

2011-07-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

That was my first though after I was "pinned". Apparently that's not what it means...

The pin lives on my guitar strap whenever I'm back in California.

PS. It's been 1 year since Robert pinned me!

Mac n'Cheese, Please!

2011-07-08T15:32:00.000-07:00

The three of us had fun making and eating macaroni and cheese today!

Baby, You're A Firework!

2011-07-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

Confession: I've listened to way too much Katy Perry this long weekend for the sake of listening to her song "Firework".

I love fireworks. What a wonderful way to celebrate freedom! I personally think freedom, regardless of the type, should always be celebrated with fireworks.

AND, I got to watch fireworks with Robert. Livermore did not have fireworks this year, so we went to Tracy. Kind of. We were outside of Tracy and could see the whole valley and the multiple firework shows going on. I was so excited and the fireworks were beautiful!

I'm a happy girl! :)

But for now, just let me be...

2011-06-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

I flew from Chicago to California the second week in May and jumped into a wonderful sermon series at Cedar Grove. Oasis in the Wilderness: Finding Light in the Darkness. Pastor Keith taught from Exodus 2:11-24 that Sunday and I took lots of notes knowing that I would refer to them later. Well, today was later.

1. Who turned out the lights? The party wasn’t supposed to be over!

-You can be living in a wonderful situation, but still mentally be in the wilderness.

-Lament, sorrow, grief

-When I’m in the wilderness, I just want to get out.

2. Where can I find some hope again? Let the healing begin!

-There is purpose of being in the wilderness.

-In the wilderness God desires intimacy.

Exodus 7:16 - And you shall say to him, The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, sent me to you, saying, “Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness. But so far, you have not obeyed.”

Hosea 2:14, 15 - “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.”

Hosea 13:5 - “It was I who knew you in the wilderness, in the land of drought...”

-If you find yourself in the wilderness, God is trying to speak to you, to draw you close to Him.

3. What about the dreams? Where is God?

-God is on the throne working out His plans. As always.

-Surrender to God.

Pastor Keith closed the sermon with a time of reflection.

What is your wilderness? My wilderness is...

Lonely. Empty. Unsatisfying. Cold. Gloomy. Dark. Unrelenting. Condemning. Heavy. Angry. Tearful.

In your wilderness...

Be still and know that I AM God. -Psalm 46:10

Look for God in your wilderness. He IS there.

I'm looking for God in my wilderness. I know that He is here.

Show Me

by Audrey Assad

(verse 1)

You could plant me like a tree beside a river

You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild

And I would blossom like a flower in the desert

But for now just let me cry

(verse 2)

You could raise me like a banner in a battle

Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes

And I would drift like falling snow over the embers

But for now just let me lie

(chorus)

Bind up these broken bones

Mercy bend and breathe me back to life

But not before You show me how to die

(verse 3)

Set me like a star before the morning

Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep

And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me

But for now just let me be

(verse 4)

So let me go like a leaf upon the water

Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea

And I will disappear into a deeper beauty

But for now just stay with me

God, for now just stay with me

Worst Vacation Ever.

2011-06-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

Am I allowed to say that? Well, I just did.

While my immediate family and large extended family was happily romping around Morro Bay and playing in the ocean, I was confined to a couch. An uncomfortable lumpy purple couch. The color was its one redeeming quality.

I traded my wetsuit and surfboard for vicodin and an ice pack due to the pinched nerve in my back. My back had been feeling a bunch better the week before, but something in my back shifted on the drive down. The pain was no longer contained to my lower back but spread through my entire spine and resided primarily my cervical vertebrae resulting in an unrelenting headache. Hence the vicodin and the ice pack.

However, I did take a bunch of pictures the three times I got outside!

But is he qualified?

2011-06-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

That was the question Trina proposed to me after I told her that Robert would be taking care of my two goldfish while I was out of town.

About a month ago, Alicia and I had an adventurous day and ended up with two gold fish. We named them Franklin Delroy and Ofelia Loraine.

I had goldfish when I was younger, but I don’t remember the need for the water to be changed a few times per week. I’m pretty sure my parents played a large role in that area of my relationship with the fish. I just named them and fed them. So now that I’m 22 and apparently responsible enough to take care of my own goldfish, I’ve had to set aside time every few days to change the water.

Trina and I did the smelly task this afternoon. As Trina helped me, she had many questions about goldfish...

What’s in the food they eat?
How do they talk?
Do they like the rocks in their bowl?
What if they lay eggs?

Why do they need to stay in the water?
What if it jumps out of the water?
What if food gets stuck to their tail?

Why can’t I hold it?

Do they get thirsty?
When do they sleep?

After the slew of questions, I kindly told her to ask the goldfish and not me. After all, I’m not a goldfish expert. She talked to the fish for a little while to ask them the questions and ended her fishy interrogation by telling them how pretty they were.

“You don’t know very much about your fish,” Trina said very matter-of-factually.

“Not really,” was my soft response. I didn’t see the need to buy and read The Goldfish Owners Guide on the shelf next to the fish food at PetSmart.

Her next question was a little more important.

“Who’s going to take care of your fish when you’re away with your family?”

I paused before answering. Last night I asked Robert if he would be willing to feed them for me. Although he didn’t seem utterly thrilled, he agreed.

“Robert’s going to,” was my response with a smile.

“But is he qualified?” she said in very serious and concerned tone as she glanced at the fish happily swimming around.

I couldn’t think of a response at that point. What qualifies a person to feed two fish a few times a day?

Before I could give an answer, she responded with genuine innocence, “They look hungry. Can they eat some of my chocolate chip cookie?”

After saying no and explaining my answer to her, I felt reassured that Robert was the right guy for this fish-sitting job.

"I'm working on it!!"

2011-06-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

“I’m working on it!!”

I don’t know how many times I’ve said that in the past few months.

I’m working on it.

I’m working on it.

That means I don’t quite have it yet, but I’m getting there.

I’m working on... not letting anxiety rule and ruin my life.

I’m working on... being organized without being obsessive.

I’m working on... not overbooking my schedule.

I’m working on... treasuring moments before running to the next one.

I’m working on... not being defensive when I’m unconfident in a situation.

I’m working on... responding with patience and compassion.

I’m working on... not pushing people away when I’m not ok.

I’m working on... remembering to eat.

So there you have it. I’m working on it.

I love this song by Addison Road. It SO accurately describes what I'm feeling right now.

Change In the Making

by Addison Road

(Verse 1)

There’s a better version of me

That I can’t quite see

But things are gonna change

Right now I’m a total mess and

Right now I’m completely incomplete

But things are gonna change

‘Cause you’re not through with me yet

(Chorus)

This is redemption’s story

With every step that I’m taking

Every day, You’re chipping away

What I don’t need

This is me under construction

This is my pride being broken

And every day I’m closer to who

I’m meant to be

I’m a change in the making

(Verse 2)

Wish I could live more patiently

Wish I would give a little more of me

Without stopping to think twice

Wish I had faith like a little child

Wish I could walk a single mile

Without tripping on my own feet

But You’re not through with me yet

(Bridge)

From the dawn of history

You make new and You redeem

From a broken world to a broken heart

You finish what you start in everything

(Verse 3)

Like a river rolls into the sea

We’re not who we’re going to be

But things are going to change